


Love is Not Enough for Us

by milbbangjju



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Sad Ending, broken!milbbang, sad younghoon :(, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28040802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milbbangjju/pseuds/milbbangjju
Summary: jaehyun is slipping away, yet younghoon tries so hard to hold onto himhe holds onto him until the end
Relationships: Kim Younghoon/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae
Kudos: 17





	Love is Not Enough for Us

‘forever doesn’t exist’, that’s what younghoon has always believed. he has had enough of people telling him how they would love him forever, how they wanted him forever in their lives, yet they always ended up throwing him away.

that’s why, when lee jaehyun told him that he wanted to be with him ‘for a long time’, younghoon couldn’t help but fall.

he fell hard for the other.

but how long ‘for a long time’ actually is? younghoon finds himself wondering as he lays alone on the spacious bed. the spot which is normally occupied by jaehyun is empty. it’s 01.30 am, and the other has yet to come home. 

at first, younghoon thought it was just going to be a one time thing, yet it kept on happening. it’s not like younghoon didn’t see the signs, but he chose to ignore them.

at first, it was just jaehyun giving him cold shoulders. looking distracted everytime younghoon talks to him, ignoring his phone calls and texts, giving ‘busy with work’ as excuses, until it turned into coming home very late and refuses to spend time with younghoon.

younghoon knows, younghoon knows that jaehyun is slipping away from him, yet he continues to hold onto him tightly.

younghoon wants to believe that it is a mere phase

younghoon wants to believe that there is still time for him and jaehyun

younghoon badly wants to believe that love alone is enough for jaehyun to stay with him

\---

everytime he feels lonely, younghoon will start reminiscing about the old days, about each and every precious moment he shared with jaehyun.

he remembers that one time when cried so much. the stress and pressure from work was getting into him, that he couldn’t help but break down as he’s seated alone on the bed. the truth is, younghoon is never the type to show it when he’s stressed or sad. when he needs to cry, he would cry alone. he just doesn’t like making others worry, especially jaehyun.

that’s why, when jaehyun came home early from work that day, he couldn’t help but get taken aback. it also got younghoon even more upset, because the first sight which greeted jaehyun as soon as he came home from work was his pitiful self. 

yet jaehyun paid no mind about it. instead, he offered something which younghoon needed the most; comfort.

_“baby” _, he clearly remembers the worrying tone in jaehyun’s voice back then, along with the questioning look on his face as younghoon finally looked up at him.__

____

____

_“what’s wrong? did anything happen when i was away?”_ , he also remembers how genuinely concerned jaehyun was, how the man tried his best to comfort him as he rubbed circles on his back soothingly.

_“it’s alright, hoonie. just let it all out, okay? i am here, and i will be here until the sadness goes away.”_

eventually, jaehyun’s gentle voice and soothing actions helped younghoon’s sobbing to subside. of course, it would not be jaehyun if he let it slide without teasing younghoon, telling him how he looked like a whiny puppy when he was crying.

but jaehyun has always been that kind of person. it is his way to show affection and make the other smile. it was also the moment where younghoon couldn’t help but fall for jaehyun again.

younghoon also remembers every time he and jaehyun made love. he remembers how gentle jaehyun had always been with him, holding him as if he’s some glass which is easy to break.

 _“hoonie…”_ , he remembers the way jaehyun called his name amidst the breathy moans. 

_“jaehyun- i-- ahh, i cannot--_ ”, younghoon remembers how everytime he was close to losing it, jaehyun would tighten his hold around him, whispering sweet encouraging words.

 _“sstt, you’re doing so good, baby. always so good for me._ ”, and he remembers each and every single kiss jaehyun would plant all over his skin after the two of them reached the peak of pleasure.

with jaehyun, he always feels so safe and secure.

correction-with jaehyun, he used to feel so safe and secure.

but that kind of jaehyun is no longer there. now, his lover wouldn’t even look at him in the eye, let alone touch him.

younghoon knows that jaehyun is slipping away from his grasp, yet he wants to do everything to make him stay.

he is going to do it, despite the risks.

\----

it’s one of those unusual days when jaehyun actually comes home early. it happens to be dinner time when younghoon hears the sound of someone’s footsteps. younghoon’s heart starts thumping in excitement, the fact that jaehyun is actually home before midnight makes him think that perhaps it is the right time to do it.

“jaehyunie, welcome home!”, the man smiles brightly as his lover’s appearance comes into his sight. his tie is already loosened messily and both his sleeves are rolled up. even with that messy view, younghoon still thinks that jaehyun is attractive. he is merely, helplessly in love with the other.

“mmhm”, but younghoon’s excited greeting was merely returned with that one short response.

the smile on younghoon’s face immediately fades.

“umm… would you like to have dinner? or did you have it already?”, despite the awkward atmosphere, younghoon managed to gather the courage to ask.

“i am not in the mood”, another simple response from jaehyun. “i will just shower and go straight to the bed.”

without even looking at the other, jaehyun walks away, leaving his disappointed lover alone again. 

“it’s okay, you can ask him later”, that’s what younghoon tells himself as he proceeds to eat his dinner alone.

he would be lying if he says he is not disappointed. he thought they would be able to eat dinner together just like the old days.

useless hope. 

\---

after dinner is done, younghoon wastes no time to join jaehyun in the bedroom. for once, jaehyun’s there before he falls asleep. the spot next to him won’t be empty just like the other days. the thought alone gives younghoon yet another hope.

“jaehyunie..”, jaehyun is sitting on the bed as younghoon enters the bedroom, leaning his back against the bedpost as he focuses on his phone screen.

despite the lack of response, younghoon decides to approach his lover, sitting down on the spot next to jaehyun as he clings onto the other’s arm. meanwhile, jaehyun doesn’t even budge, eyes never leaving the screen of his phone.

“jaehyunie….”, younghoon utters the name again, trailing off for a while as he is still not getting any response.

“hmm?”, that is the only thing jaehyun replies him with. 

“jaehyun- _a_ , you know that i love you, right? i love you so much.”

younghoon’s sentence-- question finally makes jaehyun lift his head up, his gaze is shifted from the phone screen to the other man’s visage.

“...yeah…”, younghoon could hear it, younghoon could tell the hesitance in jaehyun’s short answer.

yet why does he still push what is not right?

“jaehyun, lee jaehyun… i have been thinking…..”, younghoon’s voice begins to get shaky. he can only hope that his lover can’t tell how nervous he is as their eyes meet each other’s. “i have been thinking about how much i love you, how i want to be with you for a long time, and that i don’t want to lose you…..”

by now, younghoon is too scared to look into jaehyun’s eyes. and so he looks down to jaehyun’s fingers as he takes the other’s hand into his.

biting his lip, younghoon holds his lover’s hand tightly. a few seconds have passed until younghoon finally gathered the courage to look at jaehyun again. sincerity and affection can be seen in his eyes as he gazes at the other’s face. 

“let’s get married, lee jaehyun.”

he finally utters the words, he finally proposes to jaehyun.

deep down, he knows it is not right. not when jaehyun is already slipping away, not when he knows that the man is already falling out of love.

yet younghoon still decided to do whatever it takes to make jaehyun stay.

despite his determination, when he sees jaehyun freezes on his spot, looking at him in disbelief without a single word uttered, younghoon finally realizes that his decision is completely wrong.

he is wrong.

jaehyun is going away, and their love is not enough to make him stay.

younghoon knows that he is really going away when he finally hears the other’s voice.

“i am sorry…. but, i cannot….” that is jaehyun’s answer, he said it without even looking at younghoon.

“but… why….? you want to be with me for a long time, right…? so, why…?”, younghoon can feel jaehyun letting go of his hand as he utters the question. the room is filled with silence again, the other male still refuses to look at him.

“don’t you…. don’t you love me…. don’t you love me anymore…?”, younghoon’s voice turns shaky as he continues questioning the other. 

“please… please answer me, jaehyunie…”, by now, younghoon has turned desperate, he is grasping onto the sleeve of jaehyun’s shirt as he lets out a sob.

when he senses jaehyun cupping the back of his head, a small hopeful side in him thinks that jaehyun will pull him into a hug, tell him comforting words, say that he’s sorry, and then things will go back to normal, he will get the old jaehyun back.

but instead, he’s greeted with the man’s apologetic look when he lifts his head up. as they look into each other’s eyes, younghoon knows that there’s no turning back.

“i don’t love you anymore, younghoon.”

that is jaehyun’s answer, and it’s final.

jaehyun has slipped away from him, even though younghoon tried so hard to hold onto him.

love is not enough to make him stay.

\---

a week. 

it has been a week since younghoon left. what used to be their shared apartment is now a place for jaehyun alone.

the man lays down on the spacious bed, the space which used to be occupied by younghoon is now empty, and it will stay that way.

if someone asks who is at fault, he is not even going to deny it. he is the one to blame. he is the one who hurt younghoon. he is the one who pushed him away. he is the one who has inflicted pain upon the person whom he used to treasure so much, someone who used to be so precious to him.

but he couldn't help it. he wished-- he still wishes he could stop himself. he constantly wished that it was just a phase and he would go back to his normal self. 

but he couldn’t. he fell out love, and there was no way to make it stop, no matter how hard he tried.

he was aware that he had been hurting younghoon. the way younghoon would look hurt every time he gave him a cold shoulder, yet still pretended to be okay with it, never went unnoticed by him.

he also knew that he should be honest, but he didn’t have the courage to end it, he didn’t want to hurt younghoon more than he already did. so all he could do was giving the man a cold treatment. 

until the proposal happened.

that’s when he realized that he shouldn’t prolong things any longer, he shouldn’t hurt younghoon any further.

and so he ended it, even though it hurt him. believe it or not, hurting younghoon hurt him too. listening to the other’s pained cry made his heart ache.

the old him would do whatever it takes to make the other stop crying, yet when younghoon cried that night, he couldn’t even bring himself to hold the man.

not anymore.

sometimes, jaehyun wishes he could understand how one’s heart works. you meet someone, decides to fall in love, wishes to be with them for a long time, time passes by, and then your heart decides to fall out of love, and all the wishes turned into nothing but empty promises.

he knows that there’s no point in questioning about it anyway. in the end, jaehyun fell out of love and younghoon got hurt.

love is not enough for them, that’s why one slipped away, and the other one got away. their ‘long time’ has ended before they both knew it.

jaehyun heaves a sigh as he opens the gallery on his phone, all these thoughts are gonna drive him crazy.

he knows thinking about younghoon is not gonna do him any good, so why does he find himself looking at the man’s pictures on his phone? a ton of pictures of younghoon smiling, some other pictures of the man pouting, some self-taken pictures by younghoon himself, some pictures of him taken by younghoon, and a countless pictures of the two of them together, during their anniversaries, first date, christmas, birthdays, and so on…

the two of them looked so happy.

so why? why is love not enough to keep them happy? why is love not enough to keep them together for a long, long time?

“hoonie….”, without realizing, jaehyun whispers to himself, staring at one specific picture of younghoon sleeping.

“i am sorry, hoonie...” before he knows it, tears are already flowing down his cheek.


End file.
